Sex

What is Sex?

Your sexual life – the frequency, quality, variety, and overall satisfaction of your sexual experiences, and the role sex plays in your wellbeing and relationships.

Why Sex matters

Most people consider it important to quality of life – 62% of men and 43% of women report that sexual health is highly important to their quality of life i
Sexual satisfaction predicts broader health outcomes – sexual activity is associated with improved cardiovascular health, decreased depression, lower mortality rates, and increased relationship satisfaction i
Communication is the key differentiator – lower loneliness, better health, and partnership satisfaction are the strongest predictors of sexual satisfaction, with open sexual communication consistently associated with both higher frequency and higher satisfaction i

Sex Values

Your approach to sexual wellbeing depends on what aspects you value most. This guide balances four core values, with percentages indicating the relative weight given to each in our recommendations.

Frequency (30%)

Maintaining a satisfying rate of sexual activity that meets both partners’ needs.
Initiating regularly, managing desire discrepancies constructively, and ensuring sexual intimacy remains a consistent part of the relationship rather than something that fades.
People who prioritise this value focus on sustaining regular sexual connection.

Variety (25%)

Diversity and novelty in sexual experiences – exploring new activities, settings, dynamics, and expressions of intimacy.
Openness to experimentation, comfort discussing fantasies, and actively introducing novelty to prevent routine.
People who prioritise this value believe sexual growth comes through exploration.

Pleasure (25%)

The direct experience of physical and psychological enjoyment from sexual activity.
Knowledge of your own body, ability to communicate desires, and the pursuit of mutually satisfying experiences.
People who prioritise this value focus on expanding their capacity for enjoyment and their partner’s.

Contentment (20%)

Overall satisfaction with your sexual life as a whole – feeling at peace with the role sex plays in your life and relationship.
Acceptance, gratitude, realistic expectations, and the sense that your sexual life is genuinely fulfilling rather than a source of stress or inadequacy.
People who prioritise this value focus on satisfaction rather than optimisation.

Benchmarks by Level

Research reveals significant variation in sexual satisfaction across the population. Among sexually active adults, 55% of men and 45% of women reported sexual activity in the previous 30 days, but satisfaction levels varied substantially. Sexual frequency is a strong predictor of self-reported happiness, but the relationship between frequency and satisfaction plateaus – quality and connection matter more than frequency beyond a baseline threshold. Open communication about sexual needs remains uncommon, creating a substantial gap between desired and actual sexual experiences for many people.

Level 1: Awareness

Frequency: Understand your current sexual frequency relative to your own desires and your partner’s, and identify whether there is a meaningful gap between what you want and what occurs i

Variety: Know your own preferences, curiosities, and boundaries well enough to identify where you would welcome more exploration and where you feel satisfied with current patterns i

Pleasure: Know your own body, preferences, and responses well enough to communicate basic desires and boundaries to a partner i

Contentment: Honestly assess your overall satisfaction with your sexual life – whether it is a source of fulfilment, frustration, or indifference – and identify what would need to change i

Level 2: Foundation (80th percentile capability)

Frequency: Regular sexual intimacy at a frequency both partners find satisfying, with open communication about desire and willingness to initiate and respond i

Variety: Comfort discussing preferences and occasional introduction of novelty – new activities, settings, or dynamics – with mutual enthusiasm i

Pleasure: Both partners regularly experience satisfying sexual encounters, with the ability to communicate preferences and adjust to each other’s responses i

Contentment: Generally satisfied with sexual life; it is experienced as a positive aspect of the relationship rather than a source of tension or inadequacy i

Level 3: Proficiency (95th percentile capability)

Frequency: Sustained sexual frequency that both partners experience as genuinely satisfying, with proactive management of desire discrepancies and life-stage changes i

Variety: Active exploration of new experiences with comfort and trust, maintaining novelty within a committed relationship without either partner feeling pressured i

Pleasure: High mutual satisfaction sustained over time, with comfort exploring new experiences and the ability to maintain novelty within a committed relationship i

Contentment: Deep satisfaction with sexual life as a whole; sex is experienced as a genuinely fulfilling part of life rather than something requiring constant improvement i

Level 4: Excellence (99th percentile capability)

Frequency: Sexual frequency maintained at a mutually satisfying level across years or decades, adapting fluidly to life changes, health shifts, and evolving desires without sustained dissatisfaction i

Variety: Rich, evolving sexual repertoire sustained over years, with both partners fully comfortable proposing and exploring new experiences together i

Pleasure: Consistently exceptional mutual satisfaction maintained across years or decades, with both partners fully comfortable communicating evolving needs and exploring together i

Contentment: Genuine peace with sexual life; both partners feel grateful for and fulfilled by the role sex plays in their relationship, with no chronic dissatisfaction or comparison anxiety i

Level 5: Mastery (99.9th percentile capability)

Frequency: Sexual connection sustained across the lifespan with continued desire and initiation from both partners, adapting gracefully to ageing and health changes without loss of regular intimacy i

Variety: Sustained, evolving sexual exploration across decades with complete trust and openness, where both partners continue to discover new dimensions of their sexual connection i

Pleasure: Sustained, evolving sexual satisfaction across the lifespan that both partners rate as deeply fulfilling, with the flexibility and communication skills to adapt to any changes in desire, function, or circumstance i

Contentment: Profound contentment with sexual life as a whole, sustained across decades; sex is experienced as a source of renewal, gratitude, and deep satisfaction rather than a domain requiring vigilance i

Levels

Level 1: Awareness (under development)
Level 2: Foundation (under development)
Level 3: Proficiency (under development)
Level 4: Excellence (under development)
Level 5: Mastery (under development)

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